On being a sponge of Grace

This month, the calendar isn't full.  It doesn't 'look' like I'm 'doing' anything.  But when I reflect on just this past week, I stand in awe of the ways God has orchestrated my days. 

As I awoke early one morning, I began to thank Daddy for everything I could think of.  Then, he and I lingered in the garden long and He drew me close.  The 'happy cry' continued all day.  One of the twins asked me to stop crying because it was making him depressed!  I reminded him it was a happy cry...he reminded me he had no idea what that was and to please stop!

As a sponge can only hold so much liquid, His love began to spill out of me...Sean, the college student that came to the front screen door on Wednesday afternoon was one such recipient of that Love.

 
At first, I half-heartedly listened as he told me with a very rushed voice that he lived down the street,  played soccer and their team had won the state champions. They were now going to nationals and needed to raise money to go to Hawaii.  The kid, around twenty-one, was lanky, had a cute smile and reminded me of my nephew, Jacob. I was intrigued by his candor, friendliness and determination to win me over.
After he finished speaking and finally took a breath, I asked him to tell me again, but this time a little more slowly.  His story stayed the same.  He told me he was a military brat and that his dad and mom were 'making him' go out to raise money because he would appreciate the trip more and there were a couple of teammates that weren't as privileged as he, so he was helping them out, too.   I gave him money for the magazines he was selling and then I peeked around the screen door and asked him this:

"So Sean, may I pray for you?"  His response, "Can I ask you to?  Funny you should say that, because I am asking all the people that help me to pray that our team wins."  I stepped outside and grabbed this young man's hand and began to pray for him. Did I pray his team win?  No.  I asked Daddy to open blind eyes to see His goodness and greatness. I could sense he felt uncomfortable, but he let me finish and he high-tailed it down the front walk faster than a cat being chased with a water bottle!  I hollered out, "Sean, I got your back covered!"  He yelled back, "Thanks sweetheart!" 

He's now on my prayer list!

Then there's Frank.  He's the plumber that came yesterday. 
Frank is in his mid-fifties and when he was finished with the job, I commented how he did a lot of running around. Somehow, God knows, the conversation turned to his eternity and he said he planned on going to heaven because he was a good person...then he asked: "So how do you know?"  Could I have been handed an easier opportunity?  I think not!  So, in less than thirty seconds I gave him the gospel...

He, too, is on my prayer list!

In the past, I struggled with sharing the gospel because I was home all day, everyday and felt inadequate.  There go those feelings again controlling me.  Well, what I've learned over time is that God loves me.  I mean He really loves me and that love has drawn me to Him with an insatiable desire to know Him and to make Him known.  

There have been many guilt trips when I'd be standing in line at the grocery store:  "You need to share Jesus."  My heart would begin to race, the sweat glands would go berserk and the pressure would be on.  I would say something so ridiculous or religious that it might have been better if I'd have wet myself because then, at least, the individual might have had compassion on me.  But no, it was rather a work of the flesh, attempting to live by the Law and I'd walk away ashamed for blowing it one more time.

Now, after years of flailing, things are different.  I've taken baby steps and listened first.  I am still stepping out in faith, but rather than spewing just words, I'm waiting for His anointing to bring Life.  When the doorbell rings, He is calling me out.  When the plumber shows up, He's inviting me to watch and pray.

It is simple.  So simple I've stumbled over it time and again.  I am just joining Him in His work.  It's a holy work and my everyday living out His purpose for me means that I am available. 

But what good is being available if I haven't lingered in His presence?  What do I have to give if He doesn't give me His love?  And if He hasn't given me anything for the day, is it because I've made everything else more important than Him? 

There is nothing more important than being with Him.

Abiding.  Simple abiding, drawing near.
A quote I wrote in my journal on November 2, 2008:

..."I love removing myself from all possible distractions for the purpose of placing myself in the presence of the living God in a uniquely unfettered way."  





He doesn't need me. 

I need Him.

I am finding such delight in just living in His presence that sharing is as natural as morning glory tendrils stretching toward a fence.

This weekend, linger longer.

His love is attractive and the the fragrance He spreads through you will be eternal.

Counting my gifts

Gifts given can bring delight, and sometimes they can undo the emotions...in a good way.

Like yesterday morning before church, sitting in my garden, talking to Daddy and listening and then, there it was, suspended right in front of me--
#53~ a hummingbird.  Made me cry.  There was no time to grab the camera.  He flew away too quickly.  A gift that felt like a kiss on my cheek, unexpected.

#54~And then the night before that:  walking around the amphitheater at Sea World, snapping pictures of Jeremy Camp and shuffling to the music (even though I'm not a Jeremy Camp fan--I went for Shane and Shane!) when my heart, for the first time in my life, truly ached to be in heaven.  That, too, made me cry.  I longed for home.  REALLY longed. 

#55~answered prayers almost forgotten about

#56~bees

#57~climbing back into bed and warm sheets still!

#58~the sound of ticking clocks









#59~laughter when my son decides to work at my desk and I look up to see this:

I named him Edward for the day!

#60~

#61~ blueberry muffins on steroids

 #62~good graffiti-is there such a thing?  The gift was that I was just snapping things on our way down the road and didn't see what I got until I uploaded it.

#63~spotting this small, yet huge gift tucked behind the petunias.  The new seeds are a bonus.

#64~pretzels and Bananagrams with Caleb

#65~ science experiments from treetops

#66~my best friend and his love for me.

In community with Ann over here:

Is anything too hard for God?

That would be an emphatic NO! 

Yet, last Monday, when my world began to spiral out of control, fear washing over me as boiling water, believing I would melt right where I stood, a decision HAD to be made:  do I believe and stand or quit and run away?

It went way beyond my brain's ability to grasp how deep, how personal, and how applicable God's power and grace would be that moment when I turned heavenward and said, "God, I can't do this again."

 I turned my heart to listen--(called a friend who would hear Him for me because at that moment I couldn't hear anything), she prayed for me and believed for me for freedom and deliverance.  She prayed so many things, I really don't remember all of it.  But it was Life and truth and I knew deep in my soul that I wanted God to be God in the situation.  (I could go off on a tangent now about how important friends are who love God and who tell you the truth, but that'll be for another post!)

TRUTH.

 It's what sets one free.

And because Jesus is the truth,  I am certain that Every time I reach towards Him, I have strength to die to myself so that His life will flow out in order to:

 

...forgive seventy times seven times.

 ...love unconditionally.

...live fully alive.

It is truly amazing what God can do.



I've been quiet this past month and much has transpired in that silence.  Though outwardly, things don't look much different, I know that inside I'm conforming to His image and He's fashioning me for His purposes. 

Now that's exciting.

The above photo reminds me of a Scripture:   " And he shall be like a tree firmly planted [and tended] by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season; its leaf also shall not fade or wither; and everything he does shall prosper [and come to maturity]." Ps. 1:3 Amp. version

*Photos taken at Alto Frio Baptist Camp October, 2010*

Do you Fly?

Since the beginning of this new year, I've been kicking around the pebble of good health, the cost of picking it up and putting it in my pocket. 

Sometimes, just kicking the stone seems like enough exercise!

Our son, Josh, is staying with us while he figures out what his future holds.  He is in great health...he runs, lifts weights and generally eats good and buys these green drinks that have the name 'Naked' written on them. 

So, lately he's been asking me if I want to run with him, to which I laugh and say I'll walk and he can run...we've gone out once, tho he's asked often like last nite when mom came home from the hospital and I had to redo all her meds according to the hospital's discharge papers.

 I laughed because it was a joke to think I could just pick up and go...although it would have been a great stress reliever!

But today, as I've been reminding myself...

He loves me, I'm His, my body is His...

 so walking for my health is no big deal...plus the temp was in the 60's and school went great and we were finished before 2:00.  So out we ventured.

It was delightful to listen to the boy's conversations about so many different things...like Isaac asking, at first, "Mom, why do people let their dogs wander?"  And when I didn't respond, "Mom, why do dogs let their owners wander?" All just to see if I was listening to him.  We just cracked up and discussed that dogs don't have the control they should over their owners! 

Then he says, "I can't walk with you anymore because I"m going to lose too much weight and these pants are gonna fall down!"  They actually did slip down below his undies as he was running in front of me and I had to stop running from laughing so hard! 

Such a dry sense of humor.

Anyway, we walked for forty minutes and although I felt my muscles twitching, I felt exhilarated and wanted more.

I grabbed my MP3 player and headed out to the trampoline...

ALL BY MYSELF! 

For another twenty minutes, I flew-straight into His arms and we danced and jumped together.

While flying, I had a few revelations:  

(don't ya just love it when you're feet aren't on the ground how you can hear better?)

I'd been listening to lies... 

'If you get up on that trampoline, you might hurt yourself or get too tired or any number of things could go wrong.'  

Ha! 

Every time I jumped a little higher, I had to laugh at myself at how ridiculous I must have looked, but yet how freeing it was to be doing it.

(Sidenote:  As I sat here writing, my dad came up with chocolate covered cherries and offered me one...when I said 'no thanks', he continued with why I could/should have one...'You've jumped, right, and all the sugar is gone!'  I stuck up my hand and said, "GET BEHIND ME, SATAN!"  He said that wasn't nice...to which I reminded him that Satan knows my weaknesses and those are one of them!)

Another revelation was that He was laughing with me.

 Jesus was with me on that springy circle and He was for me having fun and we were having fun together...

Life has been very challenging since mom came back home.  She is still in a lot of pain, her meds are different, I have to cook a meal for her (and she's become very picky, too!) each time (no sandwiches or letting her rough it on her own) and she requires being watched in order to be sure she eats (her appetite has dwindled tremendously), just like one would care for a baby.

My time is not my own, even more so now, and her health  is literally dependent on me (staying alive) by being aware of her needs ahead of time and meeting them.

I am not complaining because I see this as a season and I have thrown myself into it in order to celebrate her and the time we're together.  But...as a result of these changes, I have felt guilty to do anything for myself or have any 'fun'...another lie I believed...ugh!

Then I saw how exhilarating and fun life can be when I let go of the boulders that I'd been dragging around, stooped down and picked up that little pebble of health and dropped it in my pocket.

Flying isn't really that difficult; it just requires one to jump and grab hold of His arms-whether or not one is on a trampoline! 

Do you fly?

"But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."

                                                                                                                          Isaiah 40:31

Tell Your Story...

The beginning of a new week. Fresh, alive and filled with opportunities to find Him. Is He hiding? No. But does He want me to pursue Him the way He pursues me? Absolutely. Love is like that...hide and seek...Hebrews 11:6 proves that theory!

Our Father's heart is that none be lost, no, not one. His desire is for His kids to brag on their daddy about how He brought us out of the dark and into His light...and He did it with His own hand. We were utterly helpless to fix the mess we'd made of our lives. It isn't until we realize that truth that we are then able to stretch out our hands and receive His Life.

We were challenged this morning to tell our story to someone sitting near in one minute or less and then to switch and let our neighbor tell us theirs...well, the woman I shared with, Tracy, had a similar story to mine-I kept Rachael and Jef adopted her- and yet hers was so profound because she was the adopted one and now after thirty years she's found her biological mom! That's definitely hide and seek-but then watch what Daddy does to restore His kids to Himself and each other...I was honored to have met her. Her own mother gave her life and then she was adopted by a Christian family...the legacy goes on.
I intend to work on practicing my 'story' in my head so that when the opportune time comes, I'll be ready.
Make me ready, Jesus. Your yoke is fitting better and better each day as I remember I am your friend and You bought me and brought me close to my Daddy! Thank you.

~Listening More-Living More Purposefully!~

...been plugging along-puppy challenges, reading lessons, math problems, science experiments (making doggie treats), making Life deposits into our marriage and spending less time sitting at this desk, more time listening to His voice.



Been meditating on who I am in Christ and who He is in me...weights aren't hanging on like they were...things that were a BIG deal really aren't...I'm praying more, laughing more, enjoying this 'school life' and it's changing the atmosphere.


His yoke is continuing to become more custom fit.

His mercies ARE new every morning; yet they have to be experienced to be known.

May I know You by Your Spirit alive in me, not by how I'm feeling or by what I see, even if what I see 'looks' like You, but it's not.

Pictures from 2008. Caleb found a bird in a yard.
Not sure of the name of the flower, but it says "GOD" all over it, to me!