Time To Fill My Well For Sanity's Sake...

 

 

...so, I accidentally deleted all of the photos I took today for my Wordless Wednesday post and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. But it was much more profitable and healthy to post the ones I took yesterday and remember that it was the first time in a long time I intentionally left the house to 'fill my well'.
...except the salad photo.  That was my lunch and I loved all the colors~

Thank you, Karyn Walker, for encouraging me.

You are more than just a sister...you are my dearest friend.

Ever.

Words are Superfluous

...and the rain fell...

...and the rain falls-

saturating,

quenching,

nourishing,

satisfying the need

for

Life.

...and the rain falls-

drenching my heart,

filling me with

anointing-

power to be

His witness,

satifying the need

 for

Fulfillment.


Each one has been given gifts.  I have been given a gift to act.  It's not something I would have chosen for myself.  Personally, it would suit me just fine to sit at the sewing machine and make costumes behind the scenes or do makeup for a character other than myself!  But lately, I've been called on to turn my gift and give my best to Him.
Tonight I had the privilege of standing before a classroom of people at church and recite Ephesians 2:1-10.  I've done this several times now and each time I experience a 'drawing' out from me to those I stand before.  I become His conduit and I know it's Him, not me.  That part is exhilerating! 
Here is the link to the skit my Love and I did on Sunday before the message...if you'd like to laugh (and the message is great, too!).

Each one of us is His masterpiece, as individual as these handprints of our granddaughters. 

He has been preparing good works for us to do. 

What are the good works He is orchestrating through you to show how amazing He is? 

The Force of Life...over death.

Warmer weather has brought spring showers, crocus' blooming, and seedlings to my garden.  The 'Garden of Eden', as my father has so dearly named the flower garden off the side yard, has been my place of solace, prayer and star gazing. 

Dad bought a firepit and every day we've been burning twigs, logs and enjoying cooler evening temps.   

I stare heavenward and dream of a place where there is no pain, separation, and where my Father watches tenderly over me and His kids everywhere. 

The nite sky is so beautiful and tonite the moon was carved out perfectly.

Things have been very busy lately.  I just finished a cute little girl reversible apron, kinda frilly, with a matching pot holder.  That was a fun project I did in between planting beans, digging up weeds, raking leaves and homeschooling.  All this amidst visiting mom in a rehab center.  She just went back there last Wed., after leaving the hospital she was at for three days due to chest pains...we thought she'd had a heart attack and that gave me another scare...before that was the big fall.  We've almost lost her twice in two weeks.  This woman is resilient!

I've been asking myself how one prepares for death.  Mom has been in and out of the hospital three times since January and each time, the protective 'guard' over my heart has been ripped off, exposing the weakening me, emotionally vulnerable.  Only tonite did I realize how I've pulled back from her and when I realized that, I felt so sad I immediately called her and told her I loved her and we chatted about her return home, hopefully on Monday. 

Sometimes, I think, people pull back unconsciously from those they love because the pain of drawing near to that person intensifies the reality that when the one they love is gone, they're left with a hole and who wants a hole in their heart? 

Jef and I are in a skit that he wrote this coming Sunday (that means we do the same skit four times!-once is a run through)...we've been practicing today and my dad thought we were really arguing.  He had quite a laugh. 

Much struggling went with being in it because my Love originally told me he was looking for someone else to play the woman part due to our life now, but then he couldn't find anyone and on Tuesday he asked me---six days before we're to perform! 

I fought with God over that one in vain...

(p.m.s.-ing big time!)

Every day He is drawing out these screwy thoughts...

...like life is all about me, right?

Thankfully, He doesn't pull them all out at once or I think I'd crumble to pieces!

I would that I had more time to devote to blogging, but this season is one of sacrificing my time for others and so, if you're reading and you've been wondering if I'm ok, just know that I'm being refined in ways I never dreamed and when I come to mind, please pray for me. 

Thanks friends.

Oh, Jesus, please don't ever stop unscrewing my screwy thoughts, chip away all of me and fill me with Your love; make my desires Your desires and when death comes to those I love, fill me deeper with Your grace so Your power flows from me to those around me...
Jesus, I need more of  You.

New Challenges and Adventures ahead!

My mom has been in the hospital since Sat. nite and the house just isn't the same with her gone.
She was complaining of hip pain that continued to intensify as the evening went along. I took her and dad over to the ER at about 9 pm and they finally admitted her at 4:30 am, Sunday morning.
When the Demoral didn't even touch the pain, they finally gave her something to sleep, so her bp would come down and she could actually rest.

The physician told her she could 'hold her liquor' when the meds wouldn't help....
She was much better, she told us, after we woke her Sunday at noontime.

She didn't even know she was in a regular room-that's how well the sleeping meds worked!

They could not get an IV in her arm and they tried about six different places (they could only use the right arm because of the fistula in her left). The doc finally tipped her upside down in bed and put it in her neck!

She has bruises all over her right arm.


They took an MRI Monday on her hip, but found nothing...today they took another one in different parts of her back because yesterday, when the doc touched parts of her back, she flinched.


(They can't seem to get a handle on the pain she's still experiencing.)

Her spirit is good in that she seems ok to still be in there.

She told me how they bring her a snack about 9 pm!

And she's directly across the hall from the nurse's station.
I was so impressed with her legs that I took a pix.

They've never been that skinny!

Not sure how happy she'd be with me for posting them.

******************************************************************************

Monday evening, we met with a young couple for premarital counseling...that was so refreshing and yet I felt this weight the whole time because I just spent two days searching for the leader's guide. God knows where it is, but as yet, I can't seem to hear Him tell me where it is. We'll probably have to buy another one before Monday.

School began Monday, as well.

We read a book about Washington Irving on Monday, and then on Tuesday, Caleb found an old book, from 1868, about Christopher Columbus sitting on the bookshelf written by Irving ! I knew I had that book, but hadn't paid attention to the author. It is definitely a stretch for all of us to comprehend the language, but I firmly believe their vocabulary is being built and their comprehension is definitely developing. I know mine is!

Our family has made a decision that we're going to get hens again in March, but this time ones that are ready to lay! It's legal in San Antonio to have five hens and a rooster, I believe, but there won't be a rooster to contend with this time. The last one we had liked to get into fights with me and my yellow plastic bat. I always won!

Our friends that bought the coop and hens from the ranch we lived on two years ago have expanded their 'flock', so we're heading out to Blanco then and getting six hens from them. This means that the boys will have a spring project of building a new coop, on a smaller scale, and educating themselves on what these 'babie's' will need.

Oh, on Saturday, we went to the country and picked up bags of horse manure for my garden for FREE. Then, yesterday, I picked up some books on gardening in Texas at the library...I'm doing it right this time! This will be my project with dad this spring. Actually, we're gonna till pretty soon...

I planted bulbs Josh gave me for Christmas out front and some chive seeds in pots.

Then, wanting to see things come up nearby, I planted some crocuses in pots, too! They're already coming up.

Imagine...January...

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These are just some of the every day things going on amidst the spiritual challenges that we are facing and winning...

...relationally between Jef and me.

Sometimes I forget how easy it is to only focus on what I see...yet, when tempers flare, conflicts arise and offenses are taken, I remember really quickly who is attacking and whose side I'm on. Every once and a while I literally hear the enemy attacking me through words that are spoken to me about my submission to Jef and why I don't stand up for myself and argue back or do my own thing...he's so sly...but I catch him and laugh because I know then that I'm exactly where I need to be, serving Jesus by serving my husband and submitting to him...

Another note I forgot to mention...Josh has temporarily moved in with us, too...he is saving to either buy a house or rent one. So, that adds to the mix one more person with a different lifestyle and choices. I see how I'm constantly having to readjust my ideas of things, look to Jesus for grace and walk in love...

Wow. Life is good and full and this year is hitting me full speed ahead...I'm hangin' on to You, Lord Jesus.