Sometimes Tea bags tear!

Early morning a couple days ago, after finding an organic tea bag in my desk drawer the previous day,

I softly tip-toed to the kitchen, anticipating solitude with a cup of peach deliciousness...

Then it happened...

In the rush of getting back to the solace of my room, I ripped open the packaging and it was too late: 

 the bag was torn...

I didn't have anymore herbal bags in the cupboard, despite my search for JUST ONE MORE BAG!

So, I did what any herbal hungry tea bag drinker would do...

I fixed the problem.

I almost felt like I won.  Won what, you may ask?  Well, I got my drink, and I somehow kept that clothespin out of my cup...not completely, but long enough that germs didn't have a chance to brew!







If you're just slightly curious as to why I'd post about my tea bag, let me tell you...

Life is like a tea bag...

delicate

needing a gentle touch

and... 

if simmered just the right amount of time,

DELICIOUS!

Sometimes, things in our life are torn, seemingly wasted.  Unexpected changes come and similarly to a torn tea bag, we could very easily just throw that bag away, not considering that perhaps the very circumstances we're facing are just opportunities to look with new eyes...
to taste and see that the Lord is good.

Since Sunday night, my dad has been in the hospital and the responsibility of caring completely for my mom, along with homeschooling meant that I needed to be better prepared.


Now, it's not like I've not done that before, but Sunday's message had been stirring in me and I'd been asking Daddy to reveal where I'd been 'faking it'...and the one area that I struggle most with is knowing the truth and yet tripping up in the same general area of joy in the journey as well as running this race by myself, and then when things don't go just like I think they should, losing my sense of reality...turning Dr. Jekyl into Mr. Hyde...

Monday night, as I dropped into bed, failure swept over me like a cold blanket, dripping with guilt for my impatience with the challenges I faced and frustration with the boys for being thirteen and 'don't they understand what I have to do here?'  A 'head banging' pity party was about to break out right there on my pillow...
But God, He has a way of  using the simplest things in our life to teach us about Him, His heart in matters that have eternal significance.

Joy comes in the morning...
His mercies are new every morning and boy, did I need to hear Him for this new day of challenges...

So, Tuesday morning, I loaded my breakfast plate with Bread from Heaven...

Paul writes:
" For I am afraid that when I come I won’t like what I find, and you won’t like my response. I am afraid that I will find quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorderly behavior." 
"Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith."   
2 Corinthians 12:20; 13:5-6

He already knew about these residual side effects of my humanity trying to choke His word and He lovingly rebuked me for each one. 

But for the blood of Jesus, I am hopeless. 

Because of the blood of Jesus, I am free.

 

Free to repent, free to love, to be loved and move forward in grace.

Should you be facing a 'tearing' in your life, or perhaps a stretching that you think,

"I can't do this.  I can't go on one more day"...

Get a tea bag, a slice of bread and sit in a quiet place listening, drinking in the Truth and eating His Word.

He is pursuing you. 

He knows you can't do it.

He gave His promise to change YOU, not necessarily your circumstances.

Having dad in the hospital has given me the opportunity to see things from his perspective...his everyday caring for mom, all the work involved in her care. 

My dad is my hero.

Join in with those who have habits that bring Life:

He turns our sorrow to gladness, always.

December has arrived, the garland is hung from the beam along the ceiling of the livingroom and Christmas lights glimmer in the dark of night like stars twinkling in the heavens. 

This has been a tough week for our family.  A stomach bug hit us hard. 

Thursday afternoon, I hit the couch and didn't move all evening.  Then, Friday morning, dad went back to bed and didn't get up until 11 p.m. when he asked us to take him to the ER.  So, Love and I sat with him until 2 a.m.  He stayed in the ER until Sat. evening when we picked him up.  He's much better today. 

By Sunday afternoon, mom began with the chills, and everything she'd eaten came back up and out last night and this morning.  How grateful I am that dad is well again because I could not have taken care of her by myself.  I'm not 'nurse' material.  My stomach gets way to queasy by certain smells.
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"Adversity introduces a man to himself." ~Author Unknown

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As I reflected on this past week, a deeper truth emerged:

Sickness is self-pity's cousin...and

Caring for someone sick is revealing. 

These times of intense serving have shown me that I cannot do anything without His power flowing through me and also, that I'm not a hero. I don't need a big pat on the back. 
 Each of us is told to pick up our cross and follow Him. 
Yet, I've had to check myself several times to be sure that I wasn't looking for that pat, comment, thank you, whatever.  
At times, I was. 
'Does anyone notice what I do, Lord?  Do you?'  'Why did dad have to take these two different meds and fear overdosing right before I walk out the door for church?  Now I have to stay home and babysit...' 
*sigh*
The answer came as I fell asleep the other night.  He woke me as I heard myself praying in the Spirit and then when I asked for the interpretation, He made it very clear: 
'Don't complain, I see what you're doing.' 
Ouch, but so tenderly that I quickly repented and fell asleep, knowing I was forgiven.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hence: 
"Multitude Monday--His Gifts To Me"


~after five days of intense adversity, He has made Himself known to me, despite the enemy's attacks.

~ I have joy, expectation for the new day and confidence in His ability to straighten out any/all the crooked places in me.

~sun beams every morning on the couch as we read His Word together

~anticipation of His birthday

~being well again

~seasoned love under warm blankets late at night

~Christmas music on Pandora

~'Thing 1', as my brother-in-law calls the twins, helping with dinner

~'Thing 2' setting the table alone so brother can help mom

~Love working another job during the holidays

~a boy's joy calling gramma in NY to find out how to make Christmas bark...mmm, delicious!

~lavishing a friend on her birthday with lots of sewing stuff

~a Family Thrift store with great buys for boys that won't/can't stop growing so fast

~generous boys sharing their 'Bark' with their egg customers, our neighbors!

~dad completely recuperated

~mom resting peacefully this evening

~quiet nights to ponder and think

~declaring His Word--His joy is our strength and we will not look at what we see---over dad's front door car locks getting stuck (it was so strange!), driving home holding the doors closed, and waiting to see what He'd do...He gave dad the answer and it was fixed! 
Glory to God.

~plenty of food to enjoy each night

~dinner every night together

~sweet sleep

Have a great week! 

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Why not join me over at Ann's corner...drop on by...

Don't you Bumember?

(My granddaughter says remember like this: 

Bumemeber, gramma?)

I can't tell you how that sounds to such a young gramma like me!  Tickles my heart and makes me miss her even more!

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Every Monday I yearn to sit and spill over these keys what's most important, the thing that keeps me solid, fixed to eternity right here, right now-to share some spectacular 'thing' going on in

...my walk with Jesus:

the love He pours over me, in and through me, and to recount the tapestry of His work in my everyday, seemingly ordinary life.

Yet there are days when I sit here and nothing comes. 

I feel as though I've dried up, with little color left to remotely resemble Him... 

'Jesus, where are you?'

My heart and head are groping in the dark...'

(Sickness has a way of weakening hinges on the heart-door so self pity

can slither in and wrap its ugly tentacles around one's soul...)

and Yet...

After laying flat on my back for three days, drugged up on no-name NyQuil, blowing my nose, coughing and drained to the core,

I remembered...

'I will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Me because he trusts me.'  Is. 26:3. 

'And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.'   Philip. 1:6

The condemning breath of guilt had no grip on my soul.

Door shut. 
                                 Not open for business.


He is faithful.

Remains always faithful.

Mercies new and fresh today.

Yippee!!!

On to my favorite part of Mondays,

Remembering:

His favor on me to display two of my photographs in an art show at the Emily Morgan Hotel
my Love made the frames from old fence posts!

Her hands finding ways to meet a need

one of her favorites to make...

being invited to join-and I did- a 'Garden club' by a sweet lady and listening to this month's talk on begonias...this one was truly amazing...the leaves twirl!  (I'm the youngest gal there!)

a date with my Love to the art show and then on to Cracker Barrel for hot lemon/honey tea (they didn't have any herbal tea!)...

just the two of us...alone...

(I love my rock star!)



Yellow ball of warmth bathing my skin as a form of recuperation while boys stretch their leg muscles after exercising their mind muscle!

the beginnings of another Fall bag...not much Fall left, huh?

my voice coming back

cuddling on the loveseat

soft tissues on a tender nose

a clean Lego city!
 

cough drops

curiously delightful hens~



hangin' out together on the floor of Barnes and Nobles because mom was needing to get out of the house after three days of laying in bed~this was so fun!

dad's oatmeal cookies, anything dad bakes

being able to breathe again through both sides of my nose

sharing Jesus on Facebook with someone I went to grammar school with!

quiet

Love making me a cup of tea

watching Martian Child together

reading the newspaper to the boys on the couch

a walk and sharing tonite alone--again--!

strength of passion on lovers when illness tests its metal.

family over for Sunday lunch while I slept peacefully, unaware of their presence

Wow, despite all the time I spent in bed, this was an amazing week, filled with lots of family time and productivity.

Join me and others over at Ann's corner of the blogosphere and take in the elixir of gratitude.

Which way will the door swing?

As we walked back to the parking lot at Sea World today, I watched as Dan and Caleb tossed a squishy ball back and forth and the tears begin to pool and drip down my cheeks.  Dan is leaving us.  As I sit here, they're pooling again, refusing to stop! 

This is the second time today that salty stings of heartfelt sadness overwhelm me and I can't hold back the grief.  I want to stop this road my soul has mistakenly taken-without any warning. 

Earlier, as I sat waiting for all the boys to come back from a dizzying roller coaster ride, I watched:  it semded like all around me, happy couples with little girls. 'How are my two little girls?'  I miss them so much.  I am totally emotionally overcome.  Now, reaching out to a stranger and asking if I might hold their pudgy little girl because she reminds me of a juicy little red head over a fifteen hundred miles away might be just a little awkward and yet that is what I long to do; somehow, some way be near my girls, kiss their chubby cheeks, listen to their giggles, watch their antics and just bask in gramma-hood land.  

In an instant, I am totally undone, a basket case of emotions.  
So I attempt to breathe. 
Cry, let it out, then wait. 

Jesus, You are the Door.  Help me, please! 

Yet this ache is so deep and it always seems to slap me when I'm not paying attention, when life is moving along so smoothly.  

Why does it always catch me unaware?

Kinda like the opossum that thinks our eggs should be his breakfast...the first day, I thought a hen might have broken her egg by stepping on it or something.  But the next day, Caleb calls, 'Mom, you gotta come here.  I have bad news.'  You know that wave of 'something horrible has happened' that pours over you?  That's what I felt and then, I'm sure because of the expression on my face, Caleb reassured me the 'girls' were all ok, but I HAD to come and see something...

We lift up the side door of the hen house roof, built so we can just reach in and take eggs.  There, hiding under some hay in a nest box, is a very satisfied sleeping opossum!  Two meals satisfied!  We run, get dad, and he and the boy attempt to get it with a shovel...no luck.  He got away and has tripped the three rat traps we've set up every day since! 

Now that makes me angry.  Opened that 'door' and a rascal is asleep!

Sometimes, life is like that...one gets caught off guard; a situation arises and the enemy of our soul is watching to see what he can take from us, particularly interested in the door that swings open, way too often, via our emotions, will, and mind-an open invitation to 'come in, sit down and have some tea!'   What a rascal-whether it's an opossum, a moment of vulnerability, or another experience I had on Sunday morning...

Love had to work and Josh was going to take the boys and me to service.  For some reason, I knew my mom was going to ask to go to church with me because dad wasn't going.  That is not a problem, but I also knew that it would require more of me than I wanted to give this day.  Dad was frustrated because he knew she only wanted to go to get out of the house, like that was a bad thing!

God and I had a little talk as I ironed my dress...
"God, is it selfish for me to not want to take mom to church today?" 

Very dumb question to ask God because He already knew what my heart motive was-selfishness-and He let me hear myself, words spraying out like the steam from the iron removing the wrinkles in the daisy pattern of the dress I was ironing.

We arrive at church, everything is great.  Then, my favorite song begins to play, I am so ready to pour out my heart and body in worship, when I feel a tug on the daisies, 'I need to go to the bathroom."  Another opportunity to be robbed-or maybe not.  Instant flashback to when the twins were little.  It always seemed that they needed me when I was busy with 'something more important' than their needs.

So, as I'm wheeling her out of the sanctuary, the music is flowing, and my heart aches to be still in Daddy's presence; to lift my hands, pour out my heart and kiss His face.  Immediately I sensed self pity attempting to rob me of the moment...this moment of testing my heart. 

What good is it to worship Him if I don't love His child the way He would? 

(Should be a no-brainer, right?)

The 'door' of my emotions was hinging at that moment on something bigger than just a song.

I shut the door-to her stall and stood in the doorway of the bathroom, swaying and worshipping Him there! 

As the service ended, a sister leaned forward, hugged me and said, 'You're a good daughter.'  Thank you, Jesus.  I needed to hear that from You!  He'd been watching all along.

The really cool thing is the word that Pastor Jeff shared.  Stop, Drop and Roll.  (You'll have to listen for yourself!)

I am in awe of how Daddy keeps me.  How He loves me, provides for me and hears my cries.  I may not have my two little girls near me at this moment, but He has them.  That's the joy I cling to for my strength.  Dan leaving breaks my heart, but He holds my heart.  He is bigger than this little world of mine.  Dan is in His hands and He hears my prayers for our son.  He holds him, though he may not feel it yet.

This is my fleshing out the reality that I am a child of God, wrapped in the arms of Love Himself and that these days of serving my mother and father are eternal seeds, a short growing season.

The opossum, well, I know we'll get him...my dad is a king rat catcher!  They are smarter than rats, though.  In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the journey.

God moments of gratitude for the past week...

bunches of tomatoes safely tucked in and growing

beets, gorgeous deep purple eggplant, growing so effortlessly.

squash, green beans, strawberries, and gourds

delicate tendrils, always reaching heavenward

DQ as a treat after The Chinese Sunken Tea garden with my folks

walking to three yard sales with my boys on a Sat. morning before the sun baked us and getting a bunch of cool deals!

time spent with Dan at Sea World on Love's day off

watching the ski show alone with Love

happy boys on a day off from 'seat work'

a beautiful sunset at the park

a NO JOKE- 3 inch egg!  It was a double yolker, too!

grappling with joy and beginning to see it working in me!

twelve foot high sunflowers

Love reading to me in bed

asking for the right words to write tonite!  (I love to write and want to do it in a way that connects me to those who read!)

brave boys

Dan camping out in our backyard for the week before he leaves for Buffalo, NY! 

reading, 'Nick of Time' by Ted Bell, to the boys-a great adventure story-(some swear words, but I don't read them!)

a conversation with my friend on our 'grey' hair that we keep coloring...and how we're not old!

Tammy Trent coming to my church and her inspiration; how Jesus flowed out of her and spoke to me about JOY!  Plus getting to pray for/with her and some other ladies.  It was wonderful  gift for sure!

barefoot boys in the park

wildflowers

I join with Ann in celebrating our gifts.  You can stop over and join others in their gifts, too.

Joy Catchers...

The sun peeking in between the blinds this morning, calling me to run free and the voice of Daddy telling me some time during the night that I've allowed the enemy to stop me from experiencing His joy by wallowing in self-pity...(why have I allowed that to go on for so long?).
Yesterday, I finished reading, "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis to the boys and there's a chapter that speaks of a beautiful woman that has a husband that's walking around with a 'doll' on a chain that he won't let go of (the man is as small as an organ-grinder monkey, the "Trajedian" a tall man)...self-pity...it speaks for the husband and in the end, the husband shrinks and becomes so small he can't be seen anymore.
The chapter slapped me, scolded me and rebuked me for allowing that ugly 'thing' to rob me of joy Jesus went to the cross to give me...
My heart's cries have been to be passionately in love with Jesus and so I came into the Light and renounced this attack and have been meditating on being in the kingdom and experiencing every moment of every day reveling in His love, absorbing His peace and transformed by the strength of His joy.
He did it. Says that 'for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, despising the shame and has set down at the right hand of God'. Also says that the God of Hope will fill me with all joy and peace in believing that I may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Spirit...the precious Holy Spirit living in me. He does it, He is honored when I walk in love, the light and express His power in my heart and life.
I woke up thinking that there is something I can give to others...to make a 'joy catcher'. A something or other that anyone can grab hold of and keep their joy; it's our strength and we all need it, right? Any ideas of what that 'thing', i.e.-bag, etc, might look like? Share them, please...
Don't you just love how Daddy draws us to Himself and then fills us with Himself.
...the rocker is calling me.
But I'll have to sit in mine, not my sister's in Florida!