To Live Free Or Fearful? THAT Is The Question.

Turning Shakespeare's line into my own is helping me to pound out the truth I know now.  

Sometimes, I get so tied up with trying to figure out  the right words to share what's in my heart that I almost give up.

It was kinda like that with eating right.  The exact moment eludes me as I try to remember when everything changed in my thinking and I began to experience freedom in my eating habits and behaviors.  I believe it wasn't a moment, but rather a daily decision not to give up.  A determination to believe God had heard my prayers  to change me and HIS answer to walk by faith in this area.  Baby steps of trusting Him because I knew I HAD TO do something for my health.

How To Measure The Span Of A Life

"Today you are you!  That is truer than true!  There is no one alive who is you-er than you!"  Dr. Suess

 I wonder if Mr. Suess realized he nailed the truth each one of us needs to hear, especially as we celebrate another birthday.

Friday marked the twenty-eighth anniversary of my twenty-fifth birthday! For those of you that don't want to take the time to add, that's fifty-three candles! My sweet, loving and thoughtful daughter-in-law knew so many candles were NOT necessary, and instead gave my granddaughter a #9 to push down into this rich, chocolate covered cake!  No regrets here.  It was so moist and delicious.

Reflections Of Time Well Spent

It's the first of November.  Its arrival is rather chilly, like an old man dressed in tattered clothes, meandering through lonely streets. 

Sun shadows dance on the fireplace wall as I peer out the sheers, inviting me to join in. I ask myself, as I reach for the glass, 'should I sit by the pond this morning? The answer, as sure as the coolness of the pane, brings the decision. 'No. Not today. November, you've slapped me awake; I'm staying right here, under the warmth of my blanket.'

As October walked out the back door, with it went the finishing of my 'One Thousand Gifts' devotional. Part of me was sad because each day I was challenged to see life differently.  
Although I didn't always agree with her theology, I did enjoy her thoughts, her style of writing and keeping pen to paper with my list has stirred me to write more...in particular, to write here, on My Freedom.  
Thank you, Ann Voskamp.  He has used your life in mine.  I am most grateful for your heart.  May He continue to pour you out for the sake of His kingdom.

                                        This last month, Love and the boys moved my greenhouse behind the pond so EVENTUALLY, we can do hydroponics.  I am so excited about that.  

October ended with everyone but my Love and me "down for the count" with a viral bug that lasted a couple of days and literally drove any semblance of 'school' down the toilet!  And although I did not get sick, little Joshie did and having two teen boys and an eleven month old not feeling well truly gave me an opportunity to spend much time praying and sitting...or comforting.  My grandson Kyler spent an afternoon with us on Tuesdayday because he and mom were both ill but mom had to go to work.  By the afternoon, he felt well enough to go on a stroll with me and collect acorns. Together, we glued the tops (their hats) on them and it was a great day.

By God's grace, my Love and I were able to escape to Boerne as the sun set and though we actually missed it, I did get a few shots I liked.

This is the strangest tree...makes me think of a Dr. Suess story.  

To make a point...pun completely intended, I ordered some lens filters and received four free magnifying lenses that I find fascinating.  I love these photos, simply because of the imagery.  Things cracked can still be beautiful.  Kinda like me.

It rained twice this month~ There can be no better way to celebrate than to play in rain buckets.  Old man winter started his journey south two nights before the end of October, bringing enough rain to almost overflow the pond!  Thanks, old man!

Our son, little Joshie's dad, big Josh, had a gig from the loading dock of work and he asked me to take a few shots.  He's the guy on the left.

Somehow, I scheduled a photo shoot...just because. I love this family and wanted to bless them...(besides, he's our mechanic and I don't know where we'd be without him!)

I also got to help Jenna on a shoot she did in New Braunfels...that was really fun!  I loved the architecture of this building across the street from her shoot.








It's been a very busy month.  There have been moments of intense stretching and death to self, opportunities to share life with a dear friend in the midst of her challenges, and then to sweeten my life, God gave me four birthday celebrations...one was my great niece, Norah.  Another, my grandson, Kyler. My granddaughter in NY, Patience, turned four and my daddy turned seventy-nine.  Click here to go to an old blog and see a post for his seventy-second birthday wish from his young grandsons...where has seven years gone, dad?  I am so blessed!

...saying goodbye to October wouldn't be the same if I didn't take a few pictures of my grandchildren in their amazing costumes.  I may loathe this 'celebration', BUT I love seeing my babies all dressed up and I know they'll be wearing these outfits more than just on one night.

                                                                                                               

Keira didn't want to wear her werewolf hair all night because something in her costume hair was bothering her neck...that's Keira for you.

 November may have arrived with a chill in the air but I am confident that each day's memories will warm my life and I can't forget that I live in the Southwest, where the temperature doesn't get 'cold' until late December!

What memories did you make in October?  Drop me a note!  I'd love to hear your story.

Until next time...

One day shy of a month...

 

 When a van pulled up in front of the our home that day, I questioned if 'this was the funeral parlor people' and 'how were they going to fit mom?" 
Two women entered and gave their condolences.  As tenderly as they could, they wheeled her out of the house and down the walk. 
Then, in a flash, they were gone.

One day shy of a month later, my dad drove away with my brother-in-law to begin the next adventure of his life.  How grateful I am for the three and a half years we had together.

But they're both gone.  No more puzzles, early dinners, daily jokes, conversations, rushing home because they were alone.  No more: "Stop wrestling, you'll upset gramma", "shhh, grampa is napping".  "Take the darts to the family room".

Boundaries that kept me on track with meals, cleaning, caring for their daily needs...are gone.

Boundaries:  borders that kept our life in sync with theirs.  Gone.

Is there a button to push that will release the emotions that I should be having?  Since his leaving, there have been none to speak of.  Perhaps,  by His grace and His timing, He (or maybe it's me that) will slowly allow the valve to open and tears will flow and I will be able to wrap my head and heart around what is happening.  But do I really want to push that button?

Today was my fifty-first birthday. I did not want a celebration.  NO CAKE.  I didn't mind it when the boys surprised me with a plate of cookies topped with a tea light to celebrate my day.  It actually blew me away. And having all the singing birthday calls was soooo special, my husband making subs and cooking a pizza, our son, Josh and his family lavish me with cards and a gift card to Half Price Books was delightful...but I just did not want to make a big deal about today.  I really don't even want to go down the road of asking, "Why not?"  Just not ready to let the valve be opened. 

Maybe we'll celebrate next year. 

Life just isn't the same.

Life is good.
Don't get me wrong. 
I love my life.
I love my family.
I love how closely God is holding me in His arms. 
I feel His nearness, especially when I fall off to sleep.  Mostly when I awake and raise my arms to the ceiling and tell him I love Him and I blow Him a kiss.  This has become a habit I wish I'd have started a LONG TIME AGO. 
I know He is walking through this with me.\
Yet, when it comes down to it, I have to decide if I am willing to let myself grieve...and WHAT DOES GRIEVING REALLY LOOK LIKE AND WHEN WILL IT BE OVER?

I'm really not too concerned with the answers as much as I am with knowing Him more intimately, because, when it's all over, He'll still be there, holding me. 
He'll never let me go. 
Ever.
Of this I am certain.

So, if I ramble...just let me.
I may contradict myself. 
Just laugh.
I'll get through this.