Valentine's: A state of the heart...

He stood waiting with a chocolate rose clenched between his teeth as I opened the front door. 

Just for me.

Wish I'd captured a photo.  Instead, I tasted his love; it was delicious.

We celebrate each day of February.  There is evidence of that strewn all over the place...

candy cane hearts, paper hearts of various sizes taped all over the three large windows facing the street, rose petals carefully laid across tables.  Even a 'Sat. morning Home Depot' little box project, made years ago when little boys still made gifts for their only Valentine, mommy.

Love is in the air.

And every Thursday evening, we go on a date and just enjoy each other's company.  We might go dancing in the lumber aisle at Home Depot, read to the other at Barne's and Noble and then bring home books to read next to each other in bed...

With all these symbols, expressions of our devotion to one another, it hardly seems possible that we'd end the week laying next to each other not speaking.  Both unwilling to let go of expectations.  Both too stubborn to 'hear' the others needs, focused on our own. 

That was a very long nite.  Restless, fitful sleep; all because neither one of us wanted to die to ourself. 

His prayer:  'Lord, why can't she see she needs to change?'

Mine: 'Lord, why can't he see that he's 'stepped all over my air hose' and I can't breathe.'

Yet, we held our ground and lost out on intimacy.  Threw away time we'll never get back. 

Yet God! He endured for us, waited for us, longing to give us life when we decided to listen to Him.

 

I woke first.  Sensing the heaviness on my chest,  reminding me that the one I love was hurting, I listened.

"Humble yourself.  Why can't you just let him be vulnerable?  Why do you always expect him to be tough, when there are times he NEEDS you to let him be weak?  Just listen to his heart."

I am undone...again. 

 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."                     1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I've been meditating on these verses all week. Do I truly want to walk in love, live a life of love? 

I do, but it's at these precise moments, when I see my selfishness, I wonder, "Will I ever 'get it'?"~

But deep down, I begin to sense hope rising, like the sunlight chasing away the darkness from our bedroom all around me, shafts of His Word entering my heart with Truth.

There is hope when this wife messes up, when I want my husband to change because it suits my needs for him to do so.  I was created for him, not vice versa.  I benefit the most when I lay down my life for him.

...For Jesus.

So I turn to him and we talk. 

We forgive each other.

We ask Daddy to forgive us for our stubborn pride, selfishness and for time wasted.

I weep because I understand that my sin is not only against my husband but 

against Love Himself. 

Selfishness is a thief and the thief only comes to steal, kill and destroy.

Join me in resisting his lies and being robbed.

Is there a place in your heart that Light needs to shine to become the helpmeet you were created to be?

The real Valentine.

...loving because you were loved first by One who is patient, kind, not jealous, boastful, proud, rude.  He is Not irritable, doesn't keep a record of wrongs, does not rejoice about injustice, rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  He never gives up, never loses faith. 

He is always hopeful, endures through every circumstance.

THAT IS who you are, if you know Love.

Don't give up if you've messed up. 

Because He doesn't. 

He didn't.

He gave Love.

He is Love.