Last Sunday, our community of Jesus followers heard a message about 'The Land Between' and, at that moment in time, I couldn't really see myself in that place....but Daddy has a way of revealing what's going on inside by external pressures. As of late, I've been feeling pressure/wrestling with whether or not to continue educating our sons at home..."Is it time, Father, to give them more than I'm able to give them?" I've been sensing an internal pressure that's been revealing itself in my level of frustration, more with myself than them... *sigh*... Yet, when there is this pressure, the tendency is to begin meditating on me and what I see: where I'm coming up short, my fears, their lack of training, and many other issues. Then there's MY desires, dreams, goals, mom and dad living with us, Jef and the youth drama, add to that the individuals Daddy God has been bringing into our life to love, encourage, share life with and minister to...the list goes on and on...(but I'm not complaining about them...)
Welcome to the Land Between...blurry and void of life, not much vegetation, fruit or color.
(As I write this, once again, I'm having a conversation about my expectations with Math in order to play the X Box later...*sigh*)
Yet, on Monday, when I began feeling intense pressure for answers, I noticed I'd been cleaning vigorously and it dawned on me what I was thinking about...ever just know it's time to direct your thoughts in a healthy direction because your house is a little too clean? My Love was off that day, so I asked for his ear to listen...we headed to the only place in this home that's private...our room. That's when the emotions began to spill out and I knew it was time to just PRAY! Ever just know that letting loose isn't always the best answer?
WE prayed and that's when I saw what was happening...I was in the land between and the last thing I needed to do was fear, worry, fret, question or complain... I took my focus off of me, my circumstances and the boys education and placed my focus on God! He knows what my boys need better than I ever will...He wants me to trust Him with them and their future. The breakthrough came in my thinking when I let go of trying to figure it out or get answers...it's really true that He is the answer! I still have no knowledge of the upcoming school year, but that's not what I need. I have an answer, the one I needed at that moment and for our future...to T R U S T. There has been a 'peace beyond my own understanding' that is assurance enough that I'm headed out of that dry land and headed to a place flowing with milk and honey...
He drew me to these verses on Monday:
'1 Tim. 1:5-The goal of my instruction is that all believer's will be filled with love that flows from a pure heart, a clear conscience and a sincere/genuine faith.'
'1 Tim. 1:19-Cling to your faith in Christ Jesus, and keep a clear conscience, for some have deliberately violated their conscience, as a result they've shipwrecked their faith.'
Have you ever just known it's going to be ok AFTER you've let go and just trusted what you can't see?
Cling to your faith in Christ Jesus...and begin to expect Him to lead you...He delights in demonstrating how BIG He is~