Here I sit wide awake at 1:29 am...tick, tick, tick.
The clock reminding that it's late, but my body not cooperating or submitting to sleep.
It's most likely due to the excitement of sharing my heart tonite and seeing my Daddy filling in all the blanks on my outline.
I felt the topsy turvy stomach flops as I sat in my seat, waiting my turn to step up to the music stand and that very 'large-looking' mic, knowing that what was said and what was heard may have been two different things. That was fine with me as long as the Anointed One was standing next to me the entire time!
I desperately wanted only to speak His words, not my opinions, ideas or unbridled thoughts. That was my cry and I believe He heard me. I recognize that articulating to the heavenlies just a smidgen of what my Father in heaven has been teaching me and dealing with me about was a privilege I dare not take lightly.
It is so sobering to stand before a group of people and know they can see through your words. They see the heart.
I've had a rough two days and continued to struggle up until the service began tonite when I humbled myself and dealt with an offence in a relationship with my sister. There is nothing more freeing than to humble oneself (so as not to have to have Him humble you!) and allow the Truth to bring to light whatever is hidden in darkness.
There is no darkness in You, Daddy; and since You see all, shine Your light on every single dark place in me so I can continue to reflect You, not me.
As Jeremiah spoke in 17:5-9 and further on in that book, I am reminded of how I need to be. This prophet is continuing to give God's people His Words and they continue to rebel and attack him, the messenger. He gets discouraged, curses the womb that carried him, yet to not speak was as fire in his bones. He couldn't not speak what God gave him.
His life of passion and heart-felt anguish, yet submission is an example that inspires and challenges me.
Make me, Father, as a tree with roots that go down deep and then I'm not even aware that there is a drought around me! Cause me to continue to bear fruit despite the heat!
Lord God, please give me women to teach that hunger and thirst to set an example to the next generation of what submission to You is by their submission to their husbands.