March 20, 2015

In a Matter Of Hours, It'll All Be Over...

two doves in motionball of blue yarn...And they depart on the anniversary of my mom's death.

The question isn't, "Why this day?"  The question is, "Will You show me Your plan in the midst of this heart-wrenching weekend?"

...and the answer is a resounding, "YES, I Will."

Because He is faithful, I can trust Him.

It's been quite a whirlwind of activity, mud, dishes, toys EVERYWHERE, laughter, tears, laundry, discussions and that quiet peace that I've had to run to again and again as I've wrestled with them going back to NY.

Each morning, I sat before the Word, listening, Him giving me specific verses to mull over.

One morning, it was about self-control...and with up to seven kiddos, two adults and two teens in the house all together last week, I needed that.  Can't say I always did well, but He was speaking~
Another morning, it was the Rock.  Solid, hard, sure. He is the Rock and the winds may be blowing, storm raging, but He will not move.

thorns reminding me of JesusBut yesterday was the day the pipes leaked most, wells of grief flowed uncontrollably. But then He showed me Jesus: the Man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.   He bore my grief.  The chastening (punishment) for my well-being fell upon Him.  This man, Jesus, the One I love with all my heart, loved me first.  He met me there, right in that place of deep sorrow.

It's remembering THAT truth after they leave, when I feel like I can't bear it.

Remembering to keep all of this in perspective.

My life is a breath.

Each day I'm given an opportunity to live it to the fullest, because that's all I'm promised.

Tomorrow will come and it will go.  I cannot hold on to it.  

oak leaves in springThis has been a wonderful two weeks, filled with conversations of living in NY on the farm, the twins being little and spoiled by their big sister, listening to music from Peter's old band, back when he was in his youth, cuddling with my girls, cousins playing dolls, little boys getting to know each other, Rach and me lounging on our beds after an exhausting day, chatting about everything and nothing.  We visited a bunch of parks, Rachael got to spend time with her best friend in the whole world while her Love cared for eight children BY HIMSELF!  So many stories and memories made...

But I've had to let go of the possibility of them moving here...again.  It's not up to me to convince them either way.  It's been my privilege to love them, right here, right now.

They don't belong to me.  They belong to Him.  

five of seven grandkiddos

Mom wasn't mine to keep and neither are my children.  May I celebrate the memories and drink deeply in this season of my life.

My heart is secure, trusting in the Lord.

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