Lewis must have experienced this truth in his own life and saw it manifested in those around him to confidently make such a grand statement. Truth is, each one of us is engaged in a daily battle to see God's kingdom furthered through our own individual lives or we stand back and watch as the enemy steals what rightfully belongs to us/Him."There is no neutral ground in the universe; every square inch, every split second is claimed by God and counterclaimed by Satan." C. S. Lewis
As I poured out my heart in the privacy of our bedroom, there was no 'sense' of God, no 'goose-bump' high or, for that matter, any feelings. I 'felt' like my prayers and communion with Him were just words and nothing more. I left the room after an hour and a half, ready to begin the day, but after thirty minutes of interactions, I know NOW bullets were flying. (Basing my intimacy with God on how I 'feel' on a particular day is a sure strategy of the enemy.)
The mail came. A Christian catalog, Vision Forum, was among some flyers, so, standing at the counter, I began to peruse it. Bad idea. It wasn't long before Shame and Guilt were clutching my shirt and whispering in my ear, "You just don't measure up when it comes to what a Christian family looks like. Don't you wish your husband made enough money so he could take YOUR BOYS TO SOME EXOTIC PLACE LIKE DOUG PHILLIPS HAS BEEN ABLE TO DO?"
Turning the pages, there were books on eating right and the current state of the food industry, etc. "You don't eat right. You're getting fat, you know. You can't stop eating because SOMETHING is going on and you have no power to stop whatever IT is."
Tossing the catalog on the counter, I headed to the computer to check the email, edit pictures or just anything to take my mind off the nagging thoughts...
The night before, words between Love and me threatened a deep schism that hadn't been worked out, despite a short conversation as he walked out the door to work the next morning.
More whispering: "You're having the same struggles you've always had. You're not growing closer in your marriage; you're separating."
I'd like to say that I recognized the attack. I didn't. Several hours later, after more comparing myself with others, being reminded over and over that I don't measure up here and there, I headed to my room again and had a conversation with God that went something like:
"God, what am I supposed to be doing? I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and going nowhere. Literally. I don't feel You. Where are you? How do I go to church and pray each Wed. with women when I have nothing to give. I am so empty." Please give me Your Word. A revelation. Something. I know Your Word is alive, sharp and yet, am I so dull or deluded that I am off in left field, thinking I'm fine, but dying inside.?"
Sitting in the bathroom, not even being able to cry, I waited.
Hebrews 12:1-4 rang out loud and clear:
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin."As a follower of Jesus and as a woman, surely I am not the only one that struggles with what I'll call the 'Fellowshipping with the soul' enemy strategy? You know, it's the one where you're just hanging out with your feelings, living by them, wearing them on your sleeve and when they (the feelings) are not good, you cave in and open the door to Satan's lies, forgetting you're in a war and leaving your sword laying on the bed.
Paul had his thorn in the flesh and God reminded him over and over that His grace was sufficient and so Paul rejoiced in his struggles because that meant that God's glory would manifest in his weaknesses and through his life.
I am very sure that this one tactic has given Satan more than enough fuel to deter, distract and stop me from being all that God has created me to be. My thorn, so to speak.
Yet, despite this, I am more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ and His grace is sufficient (more than enough!). And, besides all that...
I am changing each day and I'm not who I used to be.
So who are you fellowshipping with today? Your spirit filled with His Spirit (perfection) or your soul (your mind, your will and your emotions), the part of you that is being saved daily and isn't perfect yet?
Simply repent for not believing. Because of grace, you can stop right now where you are,tell your emotions whose daughter you are, who paid for your beauty with His own blood and how you are going to take your eyes off yourself and put them on Jesus, the author of and finisher of your faith. Then listen to His voice, reiterate the truth that His Word is the Truth of your life.
Get up and dance around, thanking Daddy for His love for you, no matter how many weaknesses you have.
Have a great weekend.