May 17, 2012

This is a test...

"Beep...Beep...Beep...this is a test.  This is only a test.  For the next sixty seconds the Emergency Broadcast System will be conducting a test.  If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been notified where to turn in your area to receive emergency information."

“If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine."  Matthew 10:37

One would think I've paid my dues.  I left my parents, our daughter and family in NY, and intertwined with my Love, in obedience to God's voice six years ago, moved to Texas.  There's no doubt in my mind or heart that we did the right thing.  But, even now after two more granddaughters being added to our brood (and three more babies in heaven awaiting us all), I still ache over the distance between us and our daughter's family.

Our son, Joshua, is getting married on June 2nd and the excitement of everyone being together was sorely dampened when, on a recent Friday afternoon, my husband informed me he had an audition in Austin the very next day for a 'senior birdwatching couple' and wanted me to audition with him.  The catch was that the dates were from May 14th-31st, but he didn't know exactly when we'd get our call to shoot the commercial. 

Initially, I thought it would be fun to audition, and Love assured me that we wouldn't be doing the shoot for the entire two weeks. That was encouraging, I thought, because our daughter and son-in-law would be arriving with my girls on the 27th and the last thing I wanted was to be in Mc Allen or some other city shooting a commercial for Texas tourism and them be here, sitting around twiddling their thumbs for four days.  And besides, we're not old, so we probably wouldn't get the parts anyway, but the money would be great to get my van fixed and I could do this and this and this...

Well, we did get the parts! 

Now what, God?  How is all this going to work out?  What will our shoot dates be?  Surely the shoot dates will be between such and such a date, right God?  Will we be gone when our kids get here?  How are they going to feel about our decision and why did we get the part anyway when we're not even old?! 
Then I read that verse.

What does 'loving my son or daughter, father or mother' more than Him mean in this situation?  How does one really know if they're loving God first in this kind of a pickle?

...and this was a pickle.

I cried out in desperation and reminded Him that I am His.  He knows how many hairs are on my head and he knows my heart's desire to see my children and grandchildren.  I talk to Him about them everyday, for crying out loud!

Then came the epiphany. 

It wasn't about them at all! It is always all about Him and looking through the lens of eternity.  He is from eternity and He isn't worried.  He can be trusted.
"...asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God."  Ephesians1:17
I believe I grew in my knowledge of God that day.


Seeing things more clearly, I waited and trusted, daily reminding myself that He knew the end from the beginning. 

We would know our shoot dates by May 10th. 

That day came and went. 

Then the next day and the day after that.

We never got a call back!

He is always good and I am always loved.

Last week one day, after sitting outside conversing with Rachael about their trip, I headed into the house and smiling, looked heavenward and asked, "Daddy, was this just a test?" I already knew the answer.

The test:  do I trust Daddy or do I just say that I trust Him with the details of my life? 

I passed the test.

I'm sure there will be more tests along the way, but for now, I rejoice as Abraham must have when he walked back down the mountain with Isaac next to him that day.

(Communicating my epiphany with Rachael may not have helped her at that moment, but she is on her own journey and I know she'll pass the tests, too!)


travelingthenarrowroad said...

nice =) I don't feel like I am passing the tests; i fail miserably by pouting before finally catching on to the purpose of the process, if I even catch on at all.
Love your writing, always graceful!

Daune said...

Thank you, Sherri, for your heart! I am reminded that His love is not changed by our weaknesses and that He is ever working to conform us to the image of His Son!
Be encouraged.
You are His masterpiece.
Your life is one of sacrifice.
I am praying for you.
Love you.


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