September 27, 2010

On this Monday...whew!

This morning, I awoke feeling intense 'pressure'.  It felt like a heavy weight crushing my heart-my spiritual heart-so I began swinging my sword, yet all it felt like I was slicing was the air.  I lay there asking myself, 'what is going on?' and 'God, why don't I want to get up today?'

Although I knew it was an attack, I knew I needed to address the issues that were swirling around in my head in order to get His clarity to each one...there was the issue of my dad going to the hospital yesterday, third Sunday in a row, and that meant I had to stay home and care for mom because our car isn't working at the moment and the car we're using is too small for mom to get in and out of.
After everyone left for church, I wheeled mom outside because the breeze was gentle, she loves to be out of doors and I feel guilty leaving her out there by herself.   Besides, I really wanted to spend quality time with her.  I took my Bible out with me and told her I would read to her, which, whenever I read, she falls asleep!  But that didn't matter; we were together and it would be another memory of time spent with her.  After I finished reading, she awoke and then we sat there in silence.  That silence is deafening.  This morning, that silence screamed at me again and this time I hid my head under the covers.  'You have no relationship with your mom...'
When my dad came home from the hospital in the afternoon, a large paper bag full of medications in tow, I cringed.  There is a glorification and exultation from the meds and being on them that sickens me.  I'm really not sure I'm explaining this properly, but I've noticed that when either of them begins to feel ill, they look for attention, pity and a general attitude that I want to run away from and I realized that this morning, too.  So I hid under the covers longer!  I didn't want to see their faces and have to deal with it another day...ugh.

Then there was the issue of not being near our daughter for the birth of our grandchild.  I was grieving over that and yet I didn't realize it was such a weight until this morning when I blurted out how I felt about it.
The list went on for a while over the 'issues' that kept me hidden from the day ahead, but
as soon as I finished voicing my thoughts, confessed to Him each one and then listened, His voice was ever near and I heard Him remind me of what the truth was about each one.  THEN I took the Sword of the Spirit, His Word, and sliced away at each one of those thoughts with Truth.  I yanked off the blankets, and began the day with the knowledge that Daddy God was with me in power.
So, as I recount the gifts He's given me, I am tickled to think of my silly, childish way of laying there, hidden under covers, while He waited for me to sit on His lap and just tell Him my cares because He cares for me...

...He cares deeply for me and waits for me to finish blowing my nose...then He speaks.

...Love replacing glass tonight after I accidentally mowed over a ball and it flew across the yard into our corner bedroom window, and landed in the garbage can! breezes blowing through open windows.  That hasn't happened since about February!

...the smell of freshly cut grass's joy in finding a Sirloin tip roast at Sam's today for $2.36 a lb!

...a nap after two hours of shopping with twelve yr. old twin boys and a 74 yr. old man on steroids for a chest infection!

...chicken noodle soup I didn't make!

...playing hide-n-seek with my Love when he came home today.

...sharing my 'One Story' with two people this past weekend.

...making over $120 in twenty minutes at the craft show my sister talked me into doing with her this past weekend.

...this Scripture the Spirit spoke to my heart last night to pray for someone:

"The Lord's servants must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone. They must be able to teach effectively and be patient with difficult people.  They should gently teach those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people's hearts, and they will believe the truth.  Then they will come to their senses and escape from the Devil's trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants."  2 Tim. 2:24-26 (NLT)

...remembering a camping trip with a dear friend and her family...

...having blogger friends! granddaughter, Hailey Daune...a girl after my own heart...

Have a great week...stop over at Ann's site to see how other's are celebrating their gifts...

holy experience

1 comment:

Hollinger Family said...

beautifully shared...
you are not alone in such things...
isn't His Grace and Mercy in daily worries just amazing...


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