I write this post to myself because I am more than sure that we all go through times when things are so overwhelming that we want to run away (and perhaps die). As Elijah felt when he ran from Jezebel, I, too, want to run away. I want wings to fly to the woods where there is quiet, peace and serenity. The pain is too great right now, but my Daddy keeps reassuring me that my life is not my own and that He sees the big picture that I cannot see.
I just read about how gold is mined and Peter said that my faith is more precious to Him than gold refined by fire, so Lord Jesus, please help me to focus on You, Your love and Your will as I'm being pulverized to bring forth Your glory.
When I think of what real love is-I can't come close to even touching it. The martyrs knew something I cannot comprehend. And only when I go through these times when my intestines keep reminding me that things aren't right, do I run to Your presence to HIDE me. Keep me close to Your Heart and Your grace so I can give that to others, not what my flesh wants to dole out in retribution for the pain I feel. It's in these times that I HAVE TO KEEP YOUR WORD IN FRONT OF MY EYES and not point the finger in anger...
I will be a doer of the Word. I will yield to Your power to change me to be more like Jesus. But there is nothing in me to do that, nothing, absolutely nothing.
I will cling to You, knowing these waves and winds, testing and tribulation are just that-and I will-afterward-receive the crown of life You promised for those who love You.
These are times when I truly understand it's His peace that is keeping me sane. My heart is fixed, although my flesh and soul aren't just yet--they will be. He promised. He keeps His promises.